I Don't Blog Anymore

Have you noticed I don't blog? Probably not. I don't have anyone who read this.

I was listening to an episode of Once Upon a Crime today and Esther was interviewing one of, I believe, only two Ted Bundy survivors. Something she said really stuck out to me.

It seems to be common with PTSD survivors that they can't really talk about what they went through for one reason or another. While I'm not the survivor of someone literally trying to kill me, I've lived through some shit in my life and some of it wasn't pleasant.

She said a lot of victims are blamed or shamed or not believed. And, to be honest, the only times I've ever really talked about what was done to me were met with anger and hostility and people telling me I don't know what I'm talking about. I remembered events wrong.

She said she had put everything behind her and had built up her life and was living her dream normal life when one thing triggered her to remember everything that happened to her all over again.

Some of the things that cause me problems are issues that I didn't know where issues until they became issues later in life. And I'm tired of wondering if I'm being gaslighted or if I really am legitimized with the issues I have and the way I react in situations and I'm just... Maybe I just need to get things out in the open. There are things that upset me that I think I know happened that I just... can't seem to let go of. And then there's times when my brain just up and decides on me that it's going to hide all those things from me because it's too much. And I know that's sometimes for the best, but when I want to just peek inside the box, it sometimes won't let me and that's frustrating as hell.

She said she found some relief in journaling about her experiences and working through things that way. I think I might follow in those footsteps. She journaled for herself. She wrote so that no one else had to read what she wrote. She never intended for it to see the light of day. And in the end, she said that led her to open up to a therapist and finally get things as resolved as possible for her.

I think I need that in my life. I'm tired of jumping at shadows and letting fear get in my way. And I'm definitely tired of feeling like I don't even know my own mind. I'm tired of thinking I don't know what happened and why it was wrong and I'm certainly sick of keeping it all to myself. I hurt. I've hurt for YEARS. And I'm tired of carrying it around with me.

I might start a blog where I actually talk about things in the open. I might start a blog where I talk about things I don't want to talk about with anyone else. And then I'll just... see where that takes me. If anyone wants to come along with me for the ride, they're welcome.

We all deserve to be happy and, at the very least, stable.

Costuming at Marcon 2019

I have been accepted as the Department Head for the Costuming and Cosplay department for Marcon 2019! I am very excited to be involved with this 50+ year convention from Columbus as a department head. I worked with Marcon for two years as a second head for the Gaming department with one of my BFFs.

The convention has moved from the the Columbus Convention Center to the Crowne Plaza North in Worthington. It will be held on May 10-12 2019 and we can use all the help we can get.

Marcon is short for Multiple Alternate Realities Convention and is a multi-genre geek and nerd convention with a sci-fi and fantasy bent. We have a kickass gaming department, some of the best filk in the area and so many panels you can't catch them all.

If you want a super amazing weekend, check out Marcon at http://www.marcon.org

Plush Unicorn Charger DIY

A lot of the projects I've been working on recently have come from other people's hard work. I want to share those videos with you in case you aren't on my Vero stream. If you're not, check me out on Vero. It's my social media of choice. I can't find a way to link to it but you can find me as Carrie Fulk Vaughn.

I have been making unicorn plush chargers. The video for that is from 2 Cats 1 Doll and they're absolutely adorable.

I wanted to share these because a little girl at Tee Jayes asked me where I got my unicorn plushie and I told her I made it. She was so enamoured with it that I told her mom I would post the videos on my blog so she could find them. All the little girl did through dinner was say how much she wanted to make one and how they could probably get all the stuff at WalMart and how she could make one for all of her friends. It was absolutely adorable and I wanted to be sure she could find the videos.

Anyway! I hope she has a lot of fun making the unicorn and, as I said to mom, CVS has some fuzzy socks in ugly colors for $1 a pair. They make really cute unicorns, though.

Book Review: The Retrievers Series by Laura Anne Gilman

Staying Dead by Laura Anne Gilman
My rating: 4 of 5 stars

LOVED this book. I really enjoy Wren's character and I like the dynamic between Wren and Sergei, even if their ending seemed a little forced and awkward. The storyline kept me questioning and I would like to see what other adventures they get themselves into. The writing style was easy to read and sucked me in. I didn't want to put it down.

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Curse the Dark by Laura Anne Gilman
My rating: 4 of 5 stars

I became hooked on this series by getting a free book through a book club. I am SO GLAD they did. I fell in love with Wren and Sergei in book one and this book did not fail to keep the love affair going strong. There were a few foreshadowing that actually threw me off the scent trail and I was shocked and surprised at the ending. I'll save the spoilers for last so you don't have to read them should you wish to be surprised. :)

The downside to this book was the fair amount of head-hopping that happened within the chapters. I'm not put off by the particular style, but it was different than I was used to. I didn't quite know whose head I was in all the time. Thankfully she was artful enough to keep me up to date on who was whom, but it was a little difficult in a couple of places to keep track. Otherwise this is Laura Anne Gilman's usual style and grace with the written word and I was glad to have picked it up, especially now that I have my Nook and it's available in e-format.

There cannot be a revolution without the loss of those you hold dear. I look forward to future books.

**SPOILERS LURK HERE**

As I tweeted so passionately in the heat of the moment, I was really angry that she killed off Lee. He barely had the chance to become a character before he was being removed. He was my favorite of the characters, as I'm sure you can tell, and he will be missed by the readers as well as the characters. It's not often, in politics, that someone becomes an active member without putting themselves at risk. Not to mention the possibilities for character development with the death of a friend. His death was not in vain, however. It was his blaze of glory because he totally kicked some butt. Way to go, Lee. You will be missed.

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Bring It On by Laura Anne Gilman
My rating: 4 of 5 stars

The overall plot arch is really beginning to thicken! Wren is in over her head with nowhere to go but with the current (pun-intentional) and do what it is she does best. I'm really curious to see where this series is going and what is going to put the kibosh on KimAnn. I'm not entirely sure what she's got up her sleeve, but it can't be anything good.

The retrieval in this book was almost too easy for Wren and she nearly failed, which is a first so far. I'm glad to see that she isn't perfect. Too much perfection and the character gets boring. There's no thrill to read. The retrievals are starting to take a back seat to the overall plot and while I was slightly disappointed in that, adding in anything more would have made the book too huge and too much to follow in one chunk. Gilman did an excellent job staying to task despite so much going on. Bravo!

My only complaints in this book was the snippets at the ends of the chapters leading into the next and the reptition. I think, from a perspective of flow, it would be better if the snippets were included in the next chapter and simply removed from the end of the previous. Minor complaint, I know. Since I've been reading the entire series back to back, the repetition is a little annoying, but it can't be helped. If I was coming in as they were being published, that reminder would be refreshing.

All in all, a good read. I'm looking forward to getting into the next book!

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Burning Bridges by Laura Anne Gilman
My rating: 4 of 5 stars



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Free Fall by Laura Anne Gilman




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Blow the Dust Off!!

Carrie Fulk Vaughn aka Marshmalohgrrl

*coughcough* *hack* *wheeze*

I think it might just be time to blow the dust off this blog or something and actually, you know, do some updating or something? Of course I choose today to do it because I'm spinning my wheels and rather than do nothing, I should consider doing SOMETHING instead. :)

I'm going to clean up my blog. Delete some of the "state of the author" stuff because I don't think anyone is interested in my bitching and whining, although I may change my mind later. I'm going to try and add some categories or something so you can find things on my blog. And then I might go through and just... clean up the links and my about me page. In general, an overhaul. I'm going to change that background I've been using forever to one of my photos or something instead. Make it a little more personal and a little less stock photo.

So stay tuned if you're still reading me! I'm making a lot of personal changes right now and my blog and everything should, I believe, follow suit. :)

If you have suggestions for me, PLEASE say something in the comments and let me know!