Happy Winter-thing you celebrate!

The holidays are upon us and, like the busy beaver I am (while working two jobs for a grand total of 50 hours a week), I've started Christmas things early, especially since fruitcake takes about two months grand total to prepare.

Three weeks ago, I began the fruitcake starter. Brandy, sugar, a mixture of fruit and a glass bowl. Stir twice a week for three weeks. Then drain the fruit, put the liquid back in the bowl and add fruit 10 days at a time with sugar. This takes 30 days to candy the fruit. Then you make the bread.

I've started the candying process. I've been doing friendship bread starters for a few weeks and have made a kickass banana bread recipe from it. I've also made the traditional version and a cranberry almond. All of them are super good. I began my own bread starter and have been freezing everything as I go along so I can make loaves for a friend's bake sale. I've also made some kickass zucchini nut muffins and I have plans to make cranberry orange muffins.

Just today I put vanilla beans into a mixture of brandy and vodka to soak for vanilla extract that will go in my fruitcake. Super excited about that.

And since I'm talking about super awesome food, I'll share the websites I pulled my recipes from.

This is a link to the friendship bread starter so you can make your own if you don't know someone who has already made some. This is also the site I've modified my recipes from. My warning is to use half the oil and substitue the other half with unsweetened applesauce to make a little lighter bread. Also, you can use pureed banana in place of the eggs. That's how I made my banana bread.

For fruitcake, the friendship fruitcake starter came from Victoria's Cornucopia. The candied fruit came from there as well. I'm using a different recipe for my fruitcake using the friendship bread starter. We'll see how it turns out. I'm modifying the original recipe and including candied fruit. It should be spectacular. I might incorporate the cream cheese in mine based off Victoria's recipe because, let's be honest, it looks amazing.

I'm also making a variation of her fruit spread to use the fruit from the starter. I hate wasting anything and I have to say, it's freaking amazing. Cinnamon sugar, lemon and the fruit. Cook, mash, boil until set. Yum.

And tonight for dinner, I made buffalo chicken pizza. Mama Mary's deep dish crust, two to three tablespoons of Alfredo sauce, a tablespoon of Frank's hot sauce spread over the crust. The edge brushed with olive oil and sprinkled with a little onion powder, garlic powder and powdered Asiago Romano cheese. Add chopped chicken, cover with pizza cheese and bake 10 minutes. Turn on the broiler to brown the cheese. It's freaking delicious.

Author Interview: Kelly Crigger

Discovering who you are is not just for teenagers. Midlife men must also rediscover the world around them while struggling with their own impending mortality and legacy, especially those who change careers and lifestyles. 

 Middle-aged men like me are under siege, beset on all sides by personal ambition, internal expectations, familial pressure, disillusionment, uncertainty, and legacy. It’s a constant battle to balance the needs of the self and the needs of others and a struggle to discover which ones really take priority. Some win this battle and some tragically lose. 

 Curmudgeonism is a state of mind, unwavering, unapologetic, and uninterested in what people think. We are the proverbial old dog that can’t be taught new tricks because we know the old tricks are tried and true. We have firm beliefs that can’t be shaken. Free trade is good. True leaders are rare. Happiness is a luxury. Golf is a waste of time and we don’t have enough years left to be unproductive. We don’t apologize for our views because we’ve spent half a lifetime developing them. Theory and idealism sounds good in school but only until it becomes cost prohibitive and the real world determines ground truth. Curmudgeons are uncaring about what people think and have low expectations on the world because it’s done little more than disappoint us. We’re middle aged and tired of looking, acting, feeling the way people want us to, so we’re breaking out and being who we were meant to be; irascible curs who make the world a better place through brutal honesty. We see this as our duty and take it seriously. 

 Buy the ticket. Take the ride. 

 Pick up your copy: [Amazon]  [B&N Nook]

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  Who is your intended audience and why should they read your book?

My intended audience is middle aged men who are tired of apologizing for who they are…or just need a laugh. I went through some dark times in my early forties and know others are as well. I want to tell them how I got through it with a lot of humor along the way.

Give us an insight into your main character. What does he/she do that is so special?

The main character in this book is pretty much me. I went through a dark period in 2013 where I lost my father and my business and was kinda pissed at the world and people in general. When you own a business you see the worst in people. They all want to take advantage of you or lie to your face and it really jaded me. At the time I’d been writing down life lessons for my kids and was planning to put them into a book for them. So I just got drunk one night and took all those lessons and rewrote them with a “fuck you world” attitude and 8 weeks later the book was done. Once I got started I couldn’t stop myself.

What are you working on at the minute? What’s it about?

My next book is called I Am Haunted and it’s pretty much a biography of Zak Bagans from Ghost Adventures on the Travel Channel. He and I have been friends a few years now and wrote a book together called Dark World. I Am Haunted is the sequel. I’m also editing my first novel for the 7^th time in 11 years. It’s called The Comfort Station and I started it a long time ago when I lived in Korea. It was good enough to land me representation by Folio Literary Agency, but we haven’t been able to get a deal yet, so I’m going back to edit it one more time.

What are your ambitions for your writing career?

I would love to write full time, but I make 10 times more in my day job than I ever have writing. So despite six books, a bestseller and hundreds of articles to my credit, it’s still just a hobby.

What is the scariest thing you have ever written?

This interview.

What is the hardest scene you have ever written?

My biography.

When did you decide to become a writer?

When my wife and I were living in Korea and she mentioned that the English bookstore had no selection. She was frustrated with the lack of titles so I decided to write her a book before her birthday. It was horrible. Worst thing I’ve ever written.

Why do you write?

Because I’m too old to play rugby and have too much dignity to play golf. Also all my Army friends are getting promoted while I was ridden out of the service so I have to do something to be better than them.

What made you decide to sit down and actually start something?

I got mad at the world and made a commitment to voice my displeasure no matter who it offended. It was a catharsis.

What is your biggest failure?

Starting my own business.

Do you drink? Smoke?

Fuck yes. Bourbon. There is nothing else.

How long on average does it take you to write a book?

Depends. This one took 2 months, but I have a novel that has taken 11 years and still isn’t published.

Tell us about the cover/s and how it/they came about. Who designed it?

Thomas Hunt from Ranger Up Apparel designed it and the interior images. He’s the bomb.

Do you think that the cover plays an important part in the buying process?

Absolutely. That’s why I chose the cover I did. It’s easily recognizable and easy to transition into a brand image for all my works.

How does your book relate to your spiritual practice or other life path?

It’s all about not being afraid to voice your opinion even if it’s contempt for people. Everyone says you have to be open and accepting of others but that’s bullshit. You only have to acknowledge them and if you feel like it, tell them they’re idiots. Everyone wants you to be politically correct, but when you hit middle age that goes out the window. I am who I am and I’m not changing. I’m going to say what I want because I don’t have enough years left on this earth to sugar coat my opinions. What’s anyone going to do to me anyway. Now, that doesn’t mean I’m mean at everyone and in fact I’m a polite person. Curmudgeons believe in ‘live and let live’ because we don’t have the time to waste on morons so we avoid them. In those cases when we can’t avoid them we hold up a mirror (in the form of a curmudgeonly insult) so they can see they’re idiots and hopefully benefit from it.

What were your goals and intentions in this book, and how well do you feel you achieved them?

No idea. Just wanted to get some stuff off my chest and hope others felt the same way. I’m like Woodstock. I’m having a little get together and if like minded people want to join in and make it epic then so be it.

Are there misconceptions that people have about your book? If so, explain.

Curmudgeons aren’t as mean spirited as people think. We don’t hate everyone. We just know they’ll let us down if we give them a chance to. We’re realists who don’t want to be muzzled anymore so we tell idiots that they’re idiots.

   

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Kelly Crigger is an angry troll who lives under a bridge, eats goats that wander past, and throws their bones into the canyon of despair. 

 Connect with Kelly: [Twitter]  [Facebook]  [Goodreads] 

 Follow the entire Curmudgeonsim Tour HERE Brought to you by Worldwind Virtual Book Tours

Own up or shut up

I posted about this on Twitter earlier, but I thought it needed an actual, honest-to-gods blog post. My tweets are as follows:

There are some mornings I want to just shake some sense into my child. I love him dearly but GODS does he FRUSTRATE ME. It's hard being a teenager. I remember. So I try to cut him some slack. But there comes a point where there is no more slack. I hate that. Now it's time for me to go into supermom mode and ride his ass and make him get cranky and pissy with me. This is the part of teens I hate. My job as a parent is to make sure my child succeeds. I will do that. Because I'm his mom and I have his back. Even if he doesn't see it. I remember my parents nagging & hated it. They were just trying to get me to do what I was supposed to. Sometimes we need a foot up our ass. Doesn't change the fact I hate doing that. But, when it needs to be done, it needs to be done. Okay. Done venting. Back to teacher emails.

 I emailed each of his teachers, giving my email address and phone number. I asked them to please contact me if there was anything I could do to help. I asked them to email or text if Anthony was missing assignments or not turning things in. I also asked to pick up what schoolwork he was missing over the last two days so he could get caught back up.

Parenting isn't easy. Sometimes it downright sucks watching your kids struggle to succeed. Although you know it's necessary, you want to swoop in and give them the hand up they need. I've never been one of those mom's to do something FOR my son, but I've been overly helpful at setting up his assignments and telling him when to do what. He needs to learn to do things on his own and set his own time. But he's horrible with that and I know it. 

But I can't be there at college to make sure he goes to classes. I can't be there to prod his ass out of bed when he makes a stupid mistake and pulls an all nighter and then skips out of work. And I sure as hell don't want my son to have to move back in with mom after he moves out because he is unprepared for real life. However, that's where I see this going. The same path I took. Only I didn't go back home. I lived out of my car out of pride and stubborness. I was NOT going to prove my dad right. I was NOT going to have a 9pm curfew at 22. I was not going to have to share a room with my little sister who was just at the age where she needed a room of her own.

I made the decision to, and I am going to be sexist for a moment:

To make that a little more gender neutral and stop putting emphasis on male ubermasculinity... Time to own up or shut up. And, to paraphrase Yoda: there is no try. Do or do not.

I have to suck it up, be okay with my kid being irritated at me, snapping at me, being generally cranky and stressed out until this is all under control again. As much as I like being a relatively cool mom, I need to start riding him until he starts doing the things he should do. I'm irritated with myself that I didn't see this coming. I tried to cut the apron strings a little and he sank. 

Time for mom to dive in after him and shove his head above water so he can swim back to shore. This time I'll put some arm floaties on before the strings come off.

Show me your Teeth

I am not normally forthright about the condition of my teeth. My mouth has been a train wreck since I was seventeen. I came down with mono and was so sick I could barely stay awake long enough to eat. The only thing other than water I ate or drank was milkshakes my mom put protein powder into. I lost 35 pounds.

When I finally woke up and could stay awake longer than it took to drink a small milkshake or pee, my mouth was a mess. The gum tissue was pulling away from my teeth on the bottom. The dentist called it trench mouth. I went on a round of antibiotics and was told to brush my teeth in an upward motion until the gum tissue tightened around my teeth again.

It never did.

I saw many dentists. One asked me if I was a meth addict. Another pulled back in revulsion when he looked in my mouth. Another hygenist sneered at me and snottily told me "you need to brush your teeth more". I asked how many more times than four I needed to brush in a day. She told me to brush after anything I ate or drank that was not water. That made things WORSE. So I stopped brushing more than twice a day unless I ate something sugary. My mouth got a little better when I got my tongue pierced, so I continued rinsing in the middle of the day with Listerine.

Then my teeth started to fall out. When the first one fell out, the dentist went through my mouth listing all the extractions. Which was all of them. And didn't know there were only three levels of movement in the mouth. Which even I knew and I'm not in the dentistry field. They were quoting me 8 grand and telling me I had to take out loans and let them work on me that immediate day. Which, no. I don't. High pressure sales in dentistry is a really, REALLY stupid idea.

I haven't let anyone look at my mouth since then. Six of my lower teeth fell out. I have an impacted wisdom tooth on the right side and, most recently, one of the teeth that came in with no enamel rotted down to the root. I was in enough pain I was taking 2000mg of Tylenol every four hours for almost a week.

The teeth had to go. I am a big sissy pants. I put my big girl panties on, called a dentist office and went in. They did two extractions today, checked my teeth for gum disease and gave me some recommendations. Thankfully the dentist had a cancellation after me and was able to do the extractions today. As the Novocaine is wearing off and the Tylenol has already passed through my system, I am in only very minimal pain. I'm almost regretting filling the Vicodin they gave me, although I am going to take that tonight to sleep. That's when my mouth hurt the worst.

I still have a long road to go. I need at least another 8 extractions and a bottom denture. They recommended doing the upper as well because of my severe overbite. My teeth are a mess and nine years of braces did nothing to correct it. I blame part of my lower jaw issues on the way they moved my bottom teeth around while I was in braces.

Whatever the issue, I am spending the money to get things cleaned, filled, pulled, replaced and taken care of. It took a lot of courage to do something so many people consider so simple. I did a very brave thing for me today. And I made it through the injections with no problems. It was only once it was all over that I fainted and convulsed. Yay vasovagal syncope. The oxygen smelled like an orange dreamcicle. I kinda want one now.

It's soft foods for me the next couple days. So, in honor of that, I'm going to share this recipe I found for funnel cake bites. I figure I might be able to eat those without much hassle. Lots of pudding, protein shakes, smoothies and mac and cheese for me!

Funnel Cake Bites

2 cups milk
1 egg
2 teaspoons vanilla
2 cups flour
pinch of salt
1 teaspoon baking soda
2 Tablespoons sugar
6 Tablespoons melted butter

Mix wet ingredients. Add dry. Mix until smooth. Pour into a gallon zipper bag.

Pour 1/2 oil into a pan and eat on high, then turn down to medium/med-high. Make dots of batter in the oil, let cook until browned, then turn over. Serve like you would a funnel cake or eat plain because that's delicious, too. Be super careful with the hot oil and let it cool completely before disposing of it. Fires can occur. The last thing I want is someone burning their house down to eat something I suggested.

Long absences

It's amazing how much one person's death can affect your daily life. Even when that person wasn't someone you saw often.

My dad passed on June 8th from a one year and ten day battle with esophageal cancer. It has taken me over two months to get myself back to a place where I feel relatively human. I'm getting back into creative endeavors again. I have ideas for a couple of books. I've been keeping notes.

I've accepted a position with the D20 Girls as the assistant state manager for Ohio. I'm not entirely sure how that happened, to be honest. I was trying to quit and ended up accepting the position. I've stepped back from conventions lately because many expect me to work at least 20 hours to keep my badge. Considering I will not be taking time off work to do these events, I can't make the required time commitment. I would still like to work in the gaming departments, but that may be something I cannot do on a part time schedule.

I have been working on crochet projects. Making prizes for the D20 Girls. And I'm learning Pathfinder. Not to mention I picked up a Wednesday evening Vampire game with a friend. It's been forever since I've played.

I'm alive. I'm mostly well. And I'm getting better. I don't know that it's ever going to stop hurting... but it gets a little easier to ignore every week.

Start up a conversation with me. I'll reply. I've been quiet on all social media except Line and Game of War. My Line username is Lockefox. My Game of War server is Demon. Come play with me.

Book Review: Scarlet Stilettos

Scarlet Stilettos by Ash Penn
My rating: 4 of 5 stars

Laine Lawson and Tony Barton are best mates, their friendship forged from a one night stand. Laine has declared herself celibate. Tony has met a man who meets all of his needs. But Will isn't all he seems, especially when he discovers Laine isn't all she seems, either. When Laine takes an abrupt holiday and Will moves in with Tony, all hell breaks loose for the pair of them. Tony learns more about Will than he really wanted to know. Laine makes a mess of her family and has a heart to heart with Adam, her ex who literally tossed her out into the street like garbage. All this while hiding her feelings for her best friend. Tony gets in over his head in Laine's absence. Can she come back and save the day?

This book needs trigger warnings for domestic violence. I wasn't expecting it and at points I had to put the book down.

Minus: My personal feeling is there is nothing sexy about the word saliva. Every time I read it in a sexy scene, it pulled me out of the book with a shudder. I think this book could have been two books on their own, one about Laine and one about Tony, instead of being one book together. There was a LOT going on.

Plus/Minus: I could have kicked Tony's ass for fucking in Laine's bed. I was so mad about it, I tweeted about it while I was reading. I don't CARE if he went back and changed the sheets. I can know intellectually WHY he did it because I've lived there, but I still wanted to smack him for it. NO. Just NO. It did lend itself to more tension later in the book, however.

Plus: I fell in love with Laine the moment I first read her. She's fun and strong without losing her feminine side and the vulnerability that makes her human. I loved that Tony, the ex fighter and all around badass, winds up getting himself in a heap of trouble and I actually like the mental stress it puts on him. I love the chemistry between Tony and Laine and I love Oliver for being the smooth motherfucker he is, despite being another bad guy.

All in all, excellent read.

View all my reviews

How to be an editor

http://www.slate.com/blogs/the_vault/2013/07/22/bernard_devoto_author_and_historian_s_1945_letter_of_advice_for_young_editors.html

http://www.articulatemarketing.com/tips-for-editors

http://theadventurouswriter.com/blogwriting/editing-magazine-articles-tips-from-a-senior-editor/

I'm saving these articles for future reference. Looks like I'm doing the right thing, for the most part. An idea generator, style and voice... the only thing I may be lacking is sentence structure. No problem. I can learn that.